Dérapage
by SweetRibenji
Summary: A few seconds passed, during which neither of them uttered a single word. Sasuke, wedged between the wood of the closet and the body of a perfect stranger, could not help but think of the ultimate ridicule of the situation. Never, in six years of activity, had he succeeded in fucking things up that badly during one of his operations. AU/M rated/Obviously OOC


Heyyy there, so this is my first time ever publishing a (bad) naruto fanfiction. i primarily wrote it in my native language then decided to translate it because why not. reviews are always welcome.

bisous.

* * *

"This idea is _so_ bad Naruto himself wouldn't have thought about it."

"Shut up, Hozuki. Does it look like I give a flying fuck about what you might think?"

Sasuke sniffed and rolled up his turtleneck over his nose, scrutinizing the street from the back of a car parked right next to the dumpters.

Large shack, blue iron gate, with a large garden. The shutters weren't drawn, and the inside of the house seemed totally deserted.

"Now's the time, buddy," he said. "The lights are off. Her car is not there. The street is empty."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" The more Suigetsu stared down the aisle, the more questionable their entire strategy seemed to him.

A car passed nearby, tearing for a moment the darkness and silence of the night.

"What? Come on, we've passed the age of robbing banks," Sasuke hissed.

"I don't know, I feel _almost_ more comfortable with that than the prospect of robbing an old woman."

Suigetsu was a good guy, fundamentally. A succession of unexpected events had certainly precipitated his social and financial decay, but stealing old people was wrong, right ?

And doing it with Sasuke Uchiha was even more wrong.

The latter chuckled under his dark locks, but did not answer.

It was time.

As the full moon slowly disappeared behind a thick layer of clouds, the two friends quietly escaped from their hiding place and hurried towards the gate.

"I'm going to climb it," Sasuke said, grabbing the iron bars immediately. "You stay here," he added.

"Have I ever told you what I hate about you?"

He hoisted himself to his feet, cunningly trying to get to the other side. His movements were versatile, ample, controlled. In a few seconds, he landed on the lawn of the garden.

"How talented I am compared to your sorry ass?" He said. "I know."

Suigetsu raised his eyebrows. Had there been a single moment since their first encounter where Sasuke had been tactful and modest? "You really are a nice little shit."

A grin split his face. "Yeah, and I'm the mastermind behind this whole operation. So I'm the only one who takes decisions here."

Without waiting for an answer, Sasuke walked to the window next to the front door. He scanned the interior for a few seconds, but could see nothing but a shelf in the shadows, hidden in a corner. Sasuke was not surprised by that; old, rich ladies all have a safe in which are stashed decades and decades of relics, after all. He worked to sabotage the outer handle of the window, but found that it was not even closed. "The window is open," he murmured in his headset. "That's not even funny."

 _"All the better. Hurry the hell up then, I don't want to camp there."_

He yanked the lever, opening the window on the inside of the room, and cleverly slipped into it.

Sasuke then stepped on the floor of what appeared to be a small tea room - rich people have tea rooms, after all. Furniture was not of great interest; nothing he could have brought back by hand of sufficient value.

At 17, Sasuke committed his first break-in at his brother's neighbors. At 19, a few months after joining the Taka squat, he robbed his first bank and illegally seized about a million yen. So as a result, at 23, Sasuke had set himself some standards. 500,000 yen at least, seemed quite reasonable for a scum of his type.

Ms. Kawaguchi, who resided in one of Konoha's most exclusive residential neighborhoods, seemed to be a perfect first target. Aged, even senile, without descendants or husband with whom to share her fortune, estimated at a few hundred million yen. What could she use it for anyway?

What's more exalting, in the end, than to rob the rich profiteers of capitalism, when you're a pariah with no future?

 _"Where the fuck are you?"_ Suigetsu's screaming voice tore him away from his thoughts.

"There's nothing in this room," he replied." I don't think she would put her safe in her living room. I'm going upstairs."

 _"Hurry up, Sausage. I don't feel it, at all."_

"Relax, my dude."

A large carved wooden staircase was enthroned in the next room, which looked like an entrance hall. Precious draperies covered the walls, and multiple paintings adorned all available spaces. _Is this a parody_ , Sasuke thought. _It almost looks like she's doing it on purpose._

He shook his head and walked down the stairs, looking decided.

When, suddenly, he heard them.

Distinctly.

 _Footsteps_ , he thought, widening his eyes. Coming from the first floor.

"I heard some noise," he whispered to his accomplice. "Someone apparently just had the same idea as us."

 _"Are you kidding me?"_

"I'm still going. No way we're breaking away from here without anything."

He heard Suigetsu grunting in the headset, but chose not to pay attention. It could not be Kawaguchi. Suigetsu had been watching for hours to make sure she had left. Their observations had further revealed that she did not seem to be living with anyone.

 _It means we're two assholes in this house_ , he concluded, frowning.

Sasuke stepped on the first step.

 _But I am the biggest asshole of them all._

The floor was completely silent. Sasuke put his hand on his gun, lodged in his back pocket, and cautiously advanced towards the first door.

 _I'm going to find you._

He touched the latter slightly with his elbow, and it opened itself with no effort. Someone had visited this room just before him, he was absolutely sure of it now.

But it was empty. Again, nothing interesting seemed to be stored there either. He stepped forward a little more, glancing stealthily at the furniture; two large bookshelves, an office, a seemingly expensive armchair and a large closet. Probably a reading room - rich people have reading rooms after all.

"Don't fucking move."

Sasuke stopped dead, feeling the cold metal of the pistol at the back of his head. His instincts had not deceived him.

He had not anticipated a female voice, however.

"Woah. Apparently, I just got caught," he said, raising both hands around his face. "And by a woman, which is even better."

 _"Who are you talking to, stupid?"_ Suigetsu yelled.

He heard a melodious sneer on his back. "It's your day of luck, obviously."

 _But I'm the biggest asshole._

Sasuke had trained for years to refine his reflexes and fighting skills, a pre-requisite for his survival in this hostile world that seemed to be perpetually after him. That's why it took him only a few seconds to grip the pistol with a steady hand, pull the weapon towards him and turn around, pointing at his mysterious interlocutor.

A girl.

Large green eyes protruded from the black mask she had placed on the lower part of her face.

And long, pink hair.

"Hi there," he said with an evil smile.

 _"Sausage? What are you even doing, dude?"_

Sasuke ignored Suigetsu, staring intently at the young woman who was placing her hands around her face, just like he did previously.  
Her outfit suggested she had prepared herself to go unnoticed, too. A gleam of mischief, mixed with arrogance, was reflected in her green orbs.

She was beautiful. He didn't want to kill her, if he could. It would be so unfortunate to ruin such an angelic face.

The strange ingenuous girl didn't stop there, however. She unsheathed a blade from her front pocket and threw herself at him in a cry of fury; her arm grabbed Sasuke's arm forcefully, deflecting the gun from its trajectory, as she tripped him with her leg.  
Sasuke, taken aback by her enormous, yet unsuspected strength, fell to the ground, dropping the gun behind him.

 _Who the heck is this girl_ , he exclaimed.

She jumped on him, waving her knife, whose sharp blade twinkled in the dim light. She was going to slit his throat.

"You're completely frosty," Sasuke exclaimed, dodging her first stroke. He kicked her violently in the abdomen, and got up to retrieve the gun that had crossed the room.

The young woman fell to the ground in a groan. "Don't come near me," she growled, protecting her face with her knife.

"Very interesting, coming from the very person who was pointing a weapon at me just two minutes ago," the brown haired man said with a grin. He pointed the gun in her direction. "I'm not going to beat you. Not if you leave in the next ten seconds."

"I was there first," she retorted.

He stared at her, without lowering his arm. "I don't remember having learned any rules of good conduct in this field." His gaze became darker. "So you better get away, before I disfigure this pretty little face."

"I'm not so sure about this," she mumbled before throwing her blade at him.

The knife collided with the gun in a sharp noise, dislodging it from Sasuke's grip.

 _She's super strong, goddamn it,_ he thought. _I'll have to finish her with my fists... Naruto wouldn't be proud of that.  
_  
He rushed in her direction, his fist raised, and saw her do the same, when Suigetsu's voice bellowed in his ear.

 _"SASUKE, sorry to disturb you in the throbbing thing you seem to be doing, but-"  
_  
"You got it, you're disturbing me," he said as he dodged the first blow and tried to put her out of his way.

"Who are you talking to exactly? Not competent enough to rob a house without assistance?" The girl said, parrying his attack with her forearm.

Sasuke growled, aiming at her face. "I don't remember speaking to you."

 _"SASUKE, I hear the sirens of the police coming down the street, I'm outta here man!"_

Suigetsu had screamed so loudly that the girl had heard just as well as he did. The two stopped dead, fists raised towards the other, and stared at each other.

"The cops are coming," Sasuke informed.

She raised an annoyed brow.

"I heard it. I don't see how it's possible. You did watch out for the presence detector in the entrance near the stairs, right?"

Sasuke frowned. "What are you talking about?"

The girl opened her mouth slightly. "The detector," she repeated. "In the entrance ...Oh my god. You missed it."

 _Shit,_ Sasuke thought. He had not anticipated this parameter at all.

"Damn shit," the girl swore, gripping Sasuke aggressively by the shoulder. "We're going to be shut up by your fault, you stupid idiot."

"Suigetsu? Suigetsu, are you there?" Sasuke said in the headset, ignoring her, but no one answered. His friend had obviously cut off their communication. "Ok, that's definitely shit."

"Yeah." She seemed to think a few moments, before planting her eyes in his. Suddenly, they heard the cries of police from outside. "Come with me."

She pulled him with her into the big closet that Sasuke had noticed when he had entered the room, closing the door on them.

"Seriously?" He growled, feeling her pressing herself against his body. "Hide in a wardrobe?"

"Do you see another solution? All the exits are closed. I took twenty minutes just to pick the window on the ground floor. We don't have time."

"The window on the ground floor?" So it hadn't been innocently left opened by the owner. She did all the work.

She breathed in the darkness of their hiding place. "You really are a beginner, aren't you, to believe that such a rich woman would have intentionally left one of her windows open-"

She didn't have time to finish the sentence as Sasuke put his hand over her mouth and the door of the room opened in a big crash.

 _We really are in deep shit_ , Sasuke thought before the room went silent. He could only distinguish a few discreet footsteps approaching.

The young stranger, stuck to him, was completely motionless. Sasuke could only feel the beating of her heart against his chest, and her breath against his hand, which made him very uncomfortable.

At what point exactly did things go bad enough for a banal robbery to turn into an unfortunate encounter with a crazy girl in a fucking closet?

He didn't have time to think of an answer though, because the girl in question suddenly began to hold her breath, and he felt her come even closer to him, in an even more invasive way.

"Don't fucking move," she murmured.

"I've heard that sentence somewhere," Sasuke noted bitterly.

One of the two doors of the closet opened sharply, and Sasuke saw a cop, gun in hand. It was really, really bad. He only had to open the second door for them to be found.

"Hey guys," he heard a distant voice. "Come see what I found in this room!"

The policeman who had opened the door seemed to hesitate a few seconds, which felt like hours to Sasuke, before finally closing it.

He sighed in relief, feeling the pink-haired girl do the same. The steps slowly moved away until the door of the room closed.

A few seconds passed, during which neither of them uttered a single word. Sasuke, wedged between the wood of the closet and the body of a perfect stranger, could not help but think of the ultimate ridicule of the situation. Never, in six years of activity, had he succeeded in fucking things up that badly during one of his operations.

Suigetsu was right, for once.

But if this goddamned girl hadn't come and put her nose in his business...

"They're gone," he heard a voice again in the next room. "We looked everywhere. Secure the area." Steep steps echoed down the stairs, then he heard the front door close.

The girl snorted at him.

"What a narrow escape. They must've found one of my knives in the other room."

"How many weapons exactly are you carrying with you?"

"Just enough not to get killed," she answered blankly.

He sighed. "Hmm. Anyways, I think you can let go of me now." He really did not agree with having the body of a woman, as beautiful as she is, invading his personal space. Even more so if she was carrying dozens of weapons.

"Sorry."

She withdrew from Sasuke, opening the door with her foot. Sasuke extricated himself, preparing to fight again. Since the cops were gone, they had to decide who was going to win the loot, right?

She looked at him, understanding his intentions. Then she looked at her watch.

"It would have been a pleasure to beat an amateur," she said. "But I have other things to do."

Sasuke, surprised, frowned. "What do you mean? Don't you want to find the safe?"

"The what?" She repeated. Then she displayed an expression of realization, and burst out laughing. "A safe? Right here?" Sasuke was puzzled. "What makes you think there is one? Don't tell me you have planned your entire visit here in the hope of finding one, without having a single proof."

"Why are you here, then? "

She walked slowly, a small smile on her face, until she was very close to Sasuke's. "I have already explored this house from the ground up. There is no safe here."

"It does not answer my question," retorted Sasuke, unseated. He'd really been in the wrong all the way.

"I came looking for... something else."

"What?"

"It's a secret," she said, her eyes laughing. "So." She opened the door, preparing to escape by the stairs. "That's my cue to leave, I guess."

"Wait," Sasuke said. "Tell me your name, at least."

She smiled.

"Sakura. But I highly doubt we'll ever meet again. And you are?"

Sasuke scoffed at that. She really was something else.

"You can call me Sasuke."

Sakura smiled again, looking directly in his eyes. "Well then, Sasuke. Till never."

She then evaporated in the shadows, leaving Sasuke alone, and without any safe. Strangely, he felt like the exact opposite was going to happen.

* * *

thank you for reading!


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